Spare Tire Review

Week #3...

2011-05-13T15:14:00.000-07:00

Week #3: Lost 2.4 lbs.

Woohoo!! It felt good to have that kind of number again. I began to doubt this new program, but I'll still give it time to prove all of its hype.

I also ran my first post-pregnancy race! I did a 5k on Saturday (May 7). I wanted to finish (that was my main goal), but also finish in less than an hour and around 50 minutes would be great for me.

My last race was at Halloween when I was 6-months preggo...that was the last time I did any running. The only other exercise between then and now has been walking and of course, Zumba. I did keep Zumba up until I was 36-weeks then I stopped only because I spent more time going to the bathroom than exercising and it got really hard to move. If you saw my enormous belly, then you knew why it was hard to move!

I didn't know how I would do with this run. I found a target and tried to beat her, but I couldn't. It did keep me focused and working hard. I always find some person in the crowd that I want to aim to beat. Sometimes I do and I gloat, sometimes I don't and I say, Oh well-- next time!!

I finished this race in 50:29. I was so excited! Of course, it really helped having my racing buddy with me to push me along. It's always better to run with a friend-- someone who's as competitive as you! (Thanks, Lestie!!)

So, I am officially 6 lbs. slimmer than I was a month ago which gives me the encouragement to keep on truckin.

Look out skinny jeans, here I come!!

Week #2...

2011-05-13T15:06:00.000-07:00

Week #2: Lost .4 lbs.

I was disappointed with the small loss, but I was even more determined to make the next week a great one. It wasn't easy. Honestly, there were many times I wanted to throw in the towel and say "not now." With a new baby and going back to work-- didn't I have a good excuse to take one thing off my list of things to make sure are done and accounted for daily?

However, I couldn't give up. What really helped is getting my husband started on Weight Watchers with me. I taught him how to track points and how to measure his portions as well as calculating the points per servings. As I taught him these things, I remembered, this isn't some quick fix. It didn't take two weeks for the 40 lbs. to come back on. I need to have patience-- the one thing I struggle the most with in life. (Well, one of many things....)

If I set a realistic goal, then I have more to work towards. For me, it is getting back into my cute "skinny jeans" (skinny for me, at least) by Aug. 1. I'm not so much concerned about the number of pounds as I am looking and feeling good in clothes again. That's my goal-- then, when that's reached, new goals will come.

Week #1-- harder than I thought.

2011-04-27T22:08:00.000-07:00

Week #1-- Going at it alone

This start of my weight-loss journey is much different from the start with the Big Loser contest. I had a support system built in and a trainer and frankly, more time and flexibility than this go-round.

I have two months left of my Weight Watchers membership and I wanted to get back as soon as I felt comfortable and confident I could do this again.

Last week, I packed my baby and headed back to Weight Watchers. I loved going back, didn't love learning what I had gained during the pregnancy, but my little baby is TOTALLY worth it.

I had some fears going into this meeting:

1. Weight Watchers was on a new system...would I like it or should I even learn it since the old way worked perfectly for me. It's like learning a language and having it be voided and told to learn a new language.

2. I wouldn't have my same friends there in class with me.

3. I wasn't sure my crazy life and schedule would allow me the opportunity to be successful with Weight Watchers because I would have actually eat when I'm used to not eating and not eating well. With a newborn, Mom comes last and I didn't know how tracking, planning, making extra things for me would work in when I am doing good just to get two meals in a day. (If that, and sometimes dinner isn't done until 9 p.m.)

My first mistake was not planning in advance that I was going to start last week. I should have prepared my pantry better--not that there wasn't good things, it was just lacking all the way around. Going to the store has not been one thing I've really done a lot of over the past month or so. So, I was feeling like I was having a rough start.

My exercise regimen is also different because of my schedule and that I am also still recovering from the C-section. I can exercise, but just not like I used to because if I over-due it, I pay the price and my tummy hurts.

However, I am still determined to get it right again, even if it's a bad first start. I returned to Zumba, which is much mental therapy as it is for my physical well-being. I also registered for a 5k in a couple of weeks to keep me working towards my goals.

So, my first week, I didn't know what to expect. I lost 3.2 lbs. which was a pleasant surprise for me. I did my best, though could've been better, but, I was so grateful to see my efforts pay off and give me a boost that I can do this again, even if I am alone.

2011-04-27T21:51:00.000-07:00

Where have I been???

I can't believe it's been about 10 months or so since my last post. I have a lot to catch up on...but, I won't take long to do it because sleep is precious to me now and I need to get to bed soon.

Last July, I was at 63.2 lbs. gone in my journey to lose weight and get healthy. I had become very aware of my body and feeling so good. I was also into clothes and sizes I hadn't been in in a very long time.

I had experienced my first gain--although it was only half a pound, it still sent shockwaves through me since I hadn't gained anything since I started the change in Jan. I worked even harder the next week and was feeling good about my efforts, but also feeling "different." The next week I weighed in just half a pound under.

I was stunned. I first thought I had finally hit a plateau, but still feeling something else was going on I pressed on. I thought about readjusting my exercise routine. However, on the way home from the gym I was talking to my best friend back home and told her that perhaps I should take a pregnancy test just in case. The next morning I did and....

I was pregnant!! I was in complete SHOCK. We've been trying for three years to get pregnant and a goal of mine to lose weight and get healthy was to see if it would help me get pregnant again. It worked!

So, I didn't stop eating well or exercising, but I did make adjustments. I was two months along by the time I found out. I stopped riding my bike, but I kept up with Zumba and some weights. I ran my last race at 6-months pregnant and kept attending Zumba until I was 36 weeks. I only quit because it was getting way to hard to move and way too many bathroom trips.

After my little miracle was born mid-March, I had put on 40 lbs. It has been really hard to put back on the clothes I worked so hard to get out of, but I can't complain for the priceless package I got in return. At least it wasn't the 70'ish pounds I put on with my son.

With a new healthy baby in tow and new weight to get rid of my weight-loss journey begins AGAIN...

What happened to June?!?!

2010-06-29T17:40:00.000-07:00

The last time I posted was after my birthday...which was a few weeks ago. It's been an insane past couple of weeks with some extra summer activities I've had my son going to. I've been on the verge of complete insanity.

In any event...I've hit another HUGE milestone in my continued weight shedding efforts. Last week I surpassed my 60 lbs. mark....totally 61.4 to be exact!! It was my son's 4th birthday and before running to get his birthday cake, I went over to weigh in. Had too. I was anticipating this goal, and I couldn't wait one more week!

It made the ice cream cake taste that much better that night for sure! Now I'm looking forward to my next goal---not 70, but 75 lbs!

It feels amazing still. I can see more and more the hard work paying off. So many more people notice it and that's always fun. Even taking my son in for his annual check-up...his pediatrician was like, "WOW! You look amazing!"

So...my skinny jeans from April now are falling off my hips and barely-hanging-on jeans. I fit into a size 18/20 and I haven't been able to do that since college--- which was 5 years ago.

Other than... I have become more comfortable with allowing myself to eat different foods instead of the same thing week-after-week which was what I have done for the most part the past 5 months. It feels incredible to trust myself, trust food and trust the system.

On June 19, we had a Big Loser Tin-man Triathlon and BBQ. We completed the beginner distance tri and I took 3rd place behind LaRae (who took 1st!) and Dawson! I was super proud of EVERYONE who gutted it out and completed it. It was AWESOME! We also did a post contest contest to see who could loose the most weight the 10 weeks after our contest ended.

I am proud to say that I WON!!! I lost the most weight... 22.4 lbs. since the contest ended.

In any event... now it's on to new goals. We're still doing a race a month, even if we make our own which is what is taking place in July.

If anyone's interested in joining us for a 10k in July... let me know!

Next race: July 23-- 10k (my first 10k in YEARS)

Birthday survival...

2010-06-09T21:16:00.000-07:00

WOW!! I survived a birthday without gaining. Surely that's a first in a LOOOOOONNNNGGG time!

I didn't go off the WW plan or anything...meaning, I didn't ignore my points, or better yet, my long term goals...but, I did enjoy myself.

Before the birthday on Monday, I had a couple of frustrations that were making me nervous towards weighing in this week.

Last Friday, I was very sick and I was limited to what I could eat. I have been trying some new holistic treatments for my body (trying to regulate my body---nothing to do with weight loss)...and I couldn't eat sugar (which limited my fruit in-take as well), milk or dairy of any kind, or anything with yeast from 11 a.m. Friday till noon on Saturday. It was tough. The toughest part for me was that while my body was detoxing, I had the WORST sinus infection in human history (at least that's what it felt like to me). It was so frustrating. I ended up not being able to use 11 points by the end of the day. With Weight Watchers, you are never supposed to not use all your points. This may seem backwards in a diet...thinking, if you eat less, you'll loose more and loose faster. Not true. Especially when you work out a lot...your body needs what it needs to survive.

So, I was really irritated at the fact that could throw me off.

Then, on Sunday, I wasn't able to get in all points either. I missed 8 points.

On Monday, it was my birthday. I had 20 points to use for dinner and all 35 points that you get extra each week that I rarely use to play with for my birthday. I had a cheeseburger (mayo on the side, which I barely even used), fries and then a delicious brownie with ice cream for my "birthday cake."

I couldn't even eat all of the brownie...but, I tried! It was sooo yummy. But, after eating all of that and realizing how many points I had that night... I thought about how over-rated this really was and how much I wasted before when I ate similar (or worse) dinners without giving it a second thought.

Nonetheless, I had another great loss tonight--- 1.6 pounds more gone and I'm officially below 250!! WOOHOO!! It's actually...248.8. So there! I hope to reach 60 lbs. gone which I am 2.4 lbs. away from getting. I am turning up the workouts and I have another race this Saturday as well with my goal to reach 60 lbs. by next Wednesday's weigh-in. That will give me a total of 60 lbs. gone in 20 weeks!!

Next races:

June 12- Fireman's Fun Run 5k
June 19- Big Loser Tinman Triathlon

New lesson learned... (two week catch up post)

2010-06-02T21:20:00.000-07:00

My husband's side of the family (well, three siblings and their families) came into town last week, so I didn't have a moment to post how last week went.

It went terrible--- last Wednesday, I lost the same as the week before. A measly .6 of a pound. I teared up twice--once after weigh-in and once at the end of class. I was in a serious funk.

On the way to meet with my husband's family, I called my best friend back home in Georgia. She's also a die hard Weight Watcher follower and exercise queen. She actually completed her first marathon earlier this Spring. In any event, she has been telling me to take a week off for awhile now. She said that everything she'd be learning, reading and so on has told her after 6-8 weeks of solid training, you need to take a week off.

We've had several conversations about this because my mind couldn't wrap my brain around stopping--- well, at least stopping the exercise portion of it all for a whole week. She kept begging me to trust her. It's not that it was her I wasn't trusting...it was my body.

So, in this conversation with her again she told me to REST. That's just like someone telling me to relax. I just can't seem to know how to do it. So, I told her after the Big Loser triathlon in June, I'll take a week off. Then as I kept talking to her, I realized how much time I'd be with my husband's family starting that night...and each night until Tuesday, that if I'm going to take a week off and make it worthwhile, this is the time.

So I did. Well, except for the Midnight 5k that I already had been planning on and paid for...so that was a must.

It felt really good to take the time and the PRESSURE off my body. I kept to my Weight Watcher's daily points, although some of my family my have wondered... 'is that really on her diet?' I celebrated a birthday with a small piece of Dairy Queen ice-cream cake and even had some french fries once. It was all counted for and I only used about 7 of the extra 35 points you get a week.

Yesterday, I returned to the gym--- one day sooner that a full week, but close enough. I was feeling pretty good. My clothes that are already to big as it is, are getting even looser. I am seriously running out of clothes. Looks like another trip to DI for me this weekend.

In any event, so I was completely anxious to see what the scale had to tell me this week. I stepped on...waited for Sue to weigh me in...she was anxious as well. She pulled a face that I didn't know if it was good news or bad news...then a smile came across her face...and she sung, "this is how we do it!"

I shed a surprising 4.2 pounds this rest week!!!

I was stunned to say the least! I couldn't believe it!! All I heard after that was my friend saying..."I told you so." (But saying it with a smile)

So...it does pay to rest. Actually, LaRae made a good point by saying that the time off will shock my system and metabolism that has been used to the same working out load I've been given it. Who would have thought?!

So... new lesson learned. If you're feeling like your body is below empty, listen to it. Give it a rest. Stick to your Weight Watchers and you'll be just fine.

The 5k on Friday night was completed in my best time ever... 56.08 and that's after three days off, Mexican food 4 hours before and running in 40-mph wind.

Looking forward to a new week and seeing how my body responds to getting back into the gym.

Next races:

June 5- Weight Watchers 5k (although I may bike this one)
June 7- My Birthday Bike Day-- I HOPE to have time to find to do a 32-mile ride
June 12 5k to support local firefighters
June 19- Big Loser Tinman Triathlon (Beginner level)

Resting...

2010-05-25T15:41:00.000-07:00

Last week was the first time since starting all of this that I really had a bad week. Starting last Tuesday, I just felt like I had zero energy. I constantly felt like I was running on fumes.

On Wednesday night, I went to my weekly Weight Watchers meeting and was not happy with the results. Well, I shouldn't say "not happy", but I was let down some what. I only lost .6 (yes, that's point six) of a pound. I was at least expecting my usual, but it didn't happen.

One important thing I have learned to do with weighing in is look at it as a teaching tool, not a time to get depressed or over-anxious. Any of those emotions can bring on old unhealthy eating habits.

So, this time I learned that my body is responding, or not responding to what I've been doing. I've been feeling unchallenged the past couple of weeks with my diet and exercise. I admit, I did start trying new dishes on Monday, but, the workouts were the same routine. Even the 15 miles (give or take round trip) bike to the rec center to swim 30-40 laps was not challenging me enough.

It is time for a revamp.

I found a great swim workout online that I was super excited about trying Wednesday night. I forgot my paper, but could remember most of it. My friend and I did what I could remember and for the first time in awhile, I was feeling worked! It felt amazing!!

On Thursday, I was still feeling zapped. I mustered up all I had just to make it to do Zumba. Afterwards, I contact my trainer and chatted with her.

It's no secret that I've been doing some hormone treatments to try and get pregnant again and this probably had to be what's been making me feel so sluggish. She suggested I take a few days off.

I did.

It felt so good to rest. My body feels better--muscles included.

On Monday, I went for a 16-mile bike ride and felt great afterwards. I feel like the energy is coming back...slowly, but definitely.

It also felt good just to have a mental break from it all.

Huge Milestone...

2010-05-12T20:32:00.000-07:00

I have officially shed 50.6 pounds in 15 weeks!

I was so nervous because I needed to lose 2.8 pounds this week in order to make my goal of reaching 50 lbs. I had a great workout last Thursday and Saturday.

On Sunday night, I had 8 points left at night and I wondered what to do with them. In Weight Watchers, to be successful, you have to use ALL your points you're allotted daily. No cheating on the points, it only hurts you. So, I decided to have some skim milk (which is MY FAV), 2 Oreos and one Weight Watchers brownie. It all came out to be my 8 points, so I didn't go over. I don't use my extra 35 points a week generally, if I do, it's for an extra glass of milk every now and then...but, nothing over 5 of those extra points.

After eating those sweets, I felt really sick to my stomach. That was the first time I had that many sweets all at once (and it wasn't that much) since January. I don't have that much of a sweet tooth and since learning about trigger foods, I've not even allowed myself to have one of those temptations.

After feeling so bad and feeling like I was blowing it, I text a couple of friends of mine. One told me that her trainer actually advised her to eat sweets (controlled and within our plan, of course) every couple of weeks or so often to keep your body working. I never thought that it could be used as a tool as well as a "sweet reward."

So, I felt better.

On Monday, we went to a family funeral. I had tiny portions, like less than 1/4 cup, of each item and grabbed a piece of chocolate cake. Man, did it look amazingly scrumptious. I contemplated eating it or putting it back. I didn't have my food companion book with me, so I couldn't look up the point value. If I had had the book, I would have put the cake back for sure. However, I didn't, so I enjoyed my 12-point piece of goodness.

The rest of the day I felt like...now I've done it. I didn't go over my points for the day, but I sure was hungry all night. I learned not to waste that many points on a piece of cake.

So... I headed to the gym that night and had a good workout. I worked out last night as well and actually ran for 2 miles straight. I felt really great afterward and I could've kept going, but I was thirsty and Zumba was about to start.

I didn't get a chance to do a workout before Weight Watchers like I normally do. I usually bike before going to and on the way to WW, but ran out of time tonight. So, this had me sweating bullets even more.

I told the receptionist that I needed her to tell me at least 2.8 pounds was gone or I'd be super sad. She took the numbers down...and I waited and waited for what seemed like forever.

Then she showed me----- minus 3.4. I was blown away!

I guess some good sugars gave my metabolism a good jolt. It was done with using control and worked to my advantage!

Now, I'm ready to explore some WW desert recipes. My friends told me about 1-point cake which I will be making this weekend. I'll post the recipe and results with pictures sometime this weekend, so stay tuned. I hear it's AMAZING!

Upcoming Races:

May 28- Midnight 5k
June 19- Tinman Triathlon

Big Update...

2010-05-08T15:16:00.001-07:00

Well, I didn't realize I was this far behind in updating this blog. I have been busy the past few weeks with my folks in town from Georgia and so on, that time has been slipping by faster than I realize.

Last weekend was the Ironman here in St. George.

The night before the race, I entered my son (who's 3 1/2) into his first running race. It was a 12 and under race that the kids got to run through the Ironman finish line. Ben did the 200 meter race. He LOVED, LOVED, LOVED it. He actually did exceptionally well, I think. He was darting in and out of people while I ran behind him with the video camera. It last about 3 minutes...but he felt amazing. He is excited to race again and I need to work on finding him some sports to do.

That morning, Kassie and I went out to Ivins at 5 a.m. for their Fitness Festival. They held a 5k/10k race that morning that we wanted to do. We were the first people there. :) We were anxious to get out there!

I didn't go out and drive the course before the race like I would normally do to know exactly what I would be facing. I wish I would have. I think that would have helped me mentally. The first mile was all uphill. There are no hills on the WCCC track. Oh well. I did my very best and came in at 38:06 which is about 5 minutes faster than my 5k in March.

I was pretty excited about that! I was aiming for 40 minutes...so to be under was thrilling.

Afterwards, we helped out a little bit at the Planet 94.1 and Weight Watchers booth promoting the Big Loser contest. I got to meet some of the people from previous seasons of the television show Biggest Loser. Although, I had no idea who they were (except for Seth who talked to us Big Loser contestants back at the beginning of the contest)... I look forward to one day having time to Hulu the old episodes and seeing their stories. They were SUPER nice!

The thing that had the majority of my attention was the bike portion of the Ironman. I was glued to the side of the road--at least my eyes were. It was inspiring to watch them and to also see how exactly they race--- their techniques. I watched them go by the aid station there in Ivins and I saw some of the tricks to the trade. Very educational!

Afterwards, I went home and we walked up to the finish line. We didn't see the winners come through, but saw some of the top qualifiers. It was awesome. Some of them looked like they were totally beat, others looked like they could've kept going.

I have to admit, I thought seriously about the process of training to do the Ironman in a few years--- but, I've put that thought way, way on the back burner. For me, my focus right now is getting off all my weight and doing whatever it takes to have more children. The type of time committement to training I would have to give doesn't fit my family goals right now. I also need years to build up the equipment needed to race (road bike, wet suit and other gear). So..maybe one day. If not, I'm totally satisfied completing local triathlons!

So, I have lost a total of 47.2 lbs. so far! I can't remember each week's totals, but that's my current loss. I am aiming for 2.8 lbs. this week so I can get my 50 lb. mark and little charm for my key chain!! I think it's totally doable.

Today I biked 20 miles to and from the community center. It was a beautiful ride with the majority of the way there being uphill. I swam 30 laps when I got the WCCC and then biked back. Biking back was soooo nice!! It's so nice to go downhill after such hardwork on the way there! It felt amazing!!

I clocked about 3,200 calories just in the biking. I didn't wear my watch while swimming, so I know it was way more...but...I'm feeling good about that much at least!! Working hard for that 2.8!!

Upcoming Races:

May 28-- Midnight 5k
June 19- Big Loser Tinman Triathlon

New Family Traditions...

2010-04-25T20:08:00.000-07:00

On Saturday, I participated in a Family Bike Ride with my sweet son, Ben.

I found this race in the brochure I've been following to find races for me to do.

He was SUPER excited!! He woke up early that morning ready to go! You can tell by his stance that he was very confident---as he should be. Afterall, we had been practicing for two weeks.

He got his bike checked out, completed the police safety course and we were ready for the start line.

He went right up to the front of the line with the big boys. He was not afraid. The race, or ride, was 2.25 miles. For the first little bit he did really, really well. But, after more and more of the bigger kids passed us, his "legs started hurting" and he would crash into my bike, stop and cry. This happened several times. I believe he wanted to be able to race with the bigger kids and started getting really frustrated when he couldn't and this broke his fiercely competitive heart (which he's inherited from my husband and me).

It was incredible having this experience with him. He grew some new confidence and we bonded on a whole new level. He's simply the best!

I look forward to more races with my sweet son in the future. This was only our first of many more to come!

Stunned...

2010-04-14T21:11:00.001-07:00

I admit, I was a little nervous about tonight's weigh-in--- not because I've done anything outside of Weight Watchers cause I haven't...but, after last week, I didn't know what to expect.

I also didn't get in 2 hours on Saturday like I planned. After the obstacle course (which I'll post about as soon as I get some pictures) left me a tired, good-for-nothing mess for the rest of Saturday. Monday night I let Coby go to the gym for a change while I stayed home and cleaned, preparing for my parents who are coming into town next week.

I got a great workout in last night, but still was nervous. I biked to Weight Watchers tonight--figuring if I met up with that blasted dog again, which turns out only lives a block up from me, I would run him over. Ironically, the dog's name is cupcake. It's neither sweet, nor anything I want near me--especially while I'm shedding weight. :)

You don't really now how roads go unless you're biking them. For the most part, I thought the roads here in downtown St. George were pretty flat. Not so much. It was hills all the way, steady ones with some flat--but, the kind of flat you still have to pedal to move--- you follow?!? Needless to say, it was a great workout there and a nice ride on the way back tonight.

For this week--- I got on the scale and the WW lady says-- this is your third best week! I was stunned and anxious. I had to wait till she showed me the book---unlike when we always yelled it out in our weigh-ins in the contest.

I shed another 3.8 pounds this week!!! I have been hoping the past couple of days that I would break 40 pounds and this loss certainly got me there.

My total is now 40.8 pounds GONE!!! WOOHOOO!!!

Not sure when I'll get the post-contest pics...soon as I do, I'll post them. It's crazy.

I feel amazing. I also am proving to myself, that this is certainly a life change for me. I am in control of this and it's just going to get better. I also had a dream the other night that I was at my goal weight. No one recognized me and I felt amazing. It literally was sad to wake up, but, I have even more determination now to get that in reality.

Also this week, I went in for the post-contest BOD POD test. This machine measures your BMI to the most accurate level possible. Prior to the contest you may recall it was 52% for me.

After 11 weeks of healthy eating and exercise, I am down 4.8% of body fat!! I was amazed and thrilled!! From getting 3rd in the contest, I get two more BOD POD tests to use whenever and I am super anxious to go back in and re-test in a few months. I am going to do one more by Sept. and then the other test in January for the anniversary of the contest and see how well I do in one year.

Another nice and totally unexpected surprise was my cholesterol. At the beginning of the contest it was 141 and now it registers less than 100. Their little machine doesn't measure or calculate below 100. WOOHOO!! That felt amazing that I was also making great changes for my heart.

I have learned so much about nutrition, proper food choices, exercise and also about my own body. How it works, how it responds and what I can do to help combat weight issues. This whole experience has been priceless.

So....there were a group of us Losers tonight at Weight Watchers who decided to put together a Big Loser triathlon this June at the end of our 10-week post-contest contest. We all are pitching in $10 to see who has the highest percentage of weight loss from April 2-June 5. I'm working hard for that money cause Momma needs some new clothes!! :)

Upcoming Races:

April 25- Cactus Hugger Family Bike Ride w/ Ben
May 1- Ivins City Fitness Festival 5k
May 22- Midnight 5k
June- Big Loser triathlon (I needed something in June, now I have it!!)

Post Contest---

2010-04-07T20:08:00.001-07:00

I had my first post-contest weigh in tonight and it felt really great. The scale wasn't that kind to me-- only shedding .4 of a lb. Actually... let me explain why that number is the way it is.

I weighed in on Friday during our finale in only a very thin tank top and my underwear. Trying to be as light as possible to get the best number to get 2nd place. After that, I put my clothes back on and got on the scale again--- 2 lbs. difference with clothes on.

So, tonight when I weighed in--- I had clothes on. So, I was thinking with the average of about two pounds a week that I loose, this might be an even week as far as the scale. So I was pretty excited to show there was still a loss! Matter of fact, there was only three of us from the contest that actually lost this week!

I can't explain the weight that was lifted after the contest was over!!!

Last night at Zumba... I swear I had more fun than ever before. It's always a blast...but, when you're not playing mind games with yourself the whole time... wondering if you're moving faster or harder than Kassie, Tina or Dawson---- and just moving and busting it out for YOU it's that even more enjoyable!! :)

However.... I am determined to keep going. I still have 120'ish pounds I still want to shed! That's a LOT of work ahead of me. Now comes the REAL contest. For the next 10 weeks (the same length as the contest)... I want to see how much more I can shed on my own.

To keep up this incredible motivation I have set some goals for myself:

1. One race a month
2. Size 18 by June 7 (when I turn 32)
3. Work out 12 hours a week (avg. 2 hours a day, 6 days a week)

This Saturday, I will join all the other Big Loser contestants, trainers and radio peeps in an ROTC obstacle course race at Dixie State College. Should be fun? interesting? hard?---> all of the above I am sure!!!

Triathalete again...

2010-04-03T21:32:00.001-07:00

I can finally say that I am a TRIATHLETE again!!! I finished the Sand Hollow Aquatic Center's tri today and met the two goals I had set for this race. I wanted to finish in under an hour and not be in last place. My first triathlon was when I was 19 and it was a full tri (1 mile swim, 25 mile bike and 10K)... I finished in last place (although 2nd in my age group--lol)...and in about 3 hours.

Today's tri was a beginner one: swim 8 laps, 5 mile bike and run 1.5 miles. After completing all the blocks training last Monday, I did the swim in 5:50, the bike in 24 min and the run in 18. However, that wasn't the case today. My swim totally stunk. After the first two laps it was like I hit a brick wall and it took everything I had to complete the swim.

The bike was AWESOME! My friend and training buddy, Lestie, and I had rode the course three times in training and so I felt really confident. It felt even better passing people on their fancy road bikes. On the ride back in...this guy passed me... and for some reason... I got this jolt of energy and totally smoked him on the last little bit. That was fun!!

What wasn't fun---however--- it was funny was during the transition from the swim to the bike. I was so focused on being fast in my transition that I forgot that my swim pants were also doubling as my underwear for the day. So, I began to pull them down and realized mid-moon that my butt was showing. Too bad three people got the nice view. Opps. Oh well... it wouldn't be a normal day out in society if I didn't show my butt to at least one person, right?!

So....after I got off the bike, my pants were falling off. They were wet from the swim trunks so as I was getting ready for the run, I thought, it would be so hard to keep holding my pants up while running, so I shed the pants.

BIG MISTAKE!!!!!!!!!!!

I started running and shortly after started chaffing. It was so painful. I walked some to try to help...but, after halfway, I said screw it... no pain, no gain. I ran my little chaffed legs---chub rub and all-- all the way to the finish line. Good thing I did so I could make my goal!!

So here I am.... in the transition area after the race...

I have felt amazing all day!! I want to do another on next Saturday, too. However, I'll be on the obstacle course with the other Big Losers climbing walls, crawling on my belly with M16's and whatever else torture they have planned for us!!

Stay tuned....

Next Race: May 1st--- Ivins City Fitness Festival 5k & May 28th-- Midnight 5k

Contest Finale...

2010-04-03T21:09:00.000-07:00

WOW!! I can't believe the contest is over. It's insane. The last week was an emotional rollercoaster for me on many different levels.

I was sad that our meetings would be ending-- we always managed to have a blast in between our Weight Watchers meeting and our actual weigh-ins. We would walk around the buildings, do races, Zumba in the parking lot. We just made this whole process as fun as possible.

I also felt the nerves of being the final three. I knew that the highest I could get was 2nd place with Dawson still in the game. That was tough for me. I am a competitor and when I realized I couldn't win-- it was a tough pill to swallow. So I gave my very best effort to get 2nd place.

That didn't happen. I ended up in 3rd place but less than one percent. Kassie and I have been pulling close numbers the whole contest and we lost the same amount this last week, too. I won 3 months at Weight Watchers and 3 months at the rec center and some other things as well that I don't remember. :)

The final three, with our trainers, met at the rec center at 5 A.M. on Friday morning and trained HARD for two hours! Then we went over to the radio station for the live broadcast and weighed in. It was a blast!

I shed an incredible 5.2 pounds!! I couldn't believe it!! I almost lept for joy when I saw the scale go below 270. WOW!!! I am just amazed how all this hard work is paying off. Yes, Kassie lost the exact same...5.2. :)

So, my total for the contest was 36.6 pounds GONE!!! That was the second most lost by us girls. Tina lost 1.2 more than me...and I tried my best to catch her, but couldn't.

I celebrated by competing in a triathlon--- which I'll make a separate post about. :)

I can't believe what a gift I have been given. I am so thankful for the Planet and all the sponsors who made it possible to have this kind of avenue to set me in motion and give me the tools to completely change my life and my family's life. Matter of fact, by helping me, so many others have decided to make changes to. So many of my family and friends have started exercising, eating right and getting their own butts in shape! What an awesome chain reaction!!

On my first official day as having the contest ended--- I have felt so much pressure off my shoulders. My decisions are a little easier to make as far as my time. I have developed life-long habits, so those haven't changed, but it's nice to finally feel relaxed and enjoying this new lifestyle!!

I'm looking forward to the next couple of months. I am doing an obsticle course with all the Big Losers, our trainers and Chris and LaRae from the radio station. We're doing it with the college's ROTC group. It will be brutal, challenging and FUN!!! Then in May I am doing two 5k's. Looking forward to those. And by the time my birthday rolls around in June-- I want to be a size 18. I haven't been that size since college 5 years ago or so.

We did have after photos taken at the finale and I will post one as soon as I get one. I will post a pic from the triathlon, but the after photo from the contest will be much better!! Stay tuned...

What a night!

2010-03-25T14:05:00.000-07:00

I couldn't write this post last night because I was so emotional last night.

It was a great night. I coasted through most of the day with no nerves, but as the time clicked down and 4 p.m. hit-- the nerves kicked in. It was the last weigh in to determine the final three contestants. I have been fighting hard and wanted to make it to the top three so bad.

I got home, changed clothes, gathered my Weight Watchers stuff, MP3 player and headed out to run the 2 miles to the Weight Watchers meeting. I was in my groove, running along, jamming to my music when I approached this school playground. A dad was there with his daughter and his two dogs. Well.. I guess my running spooked the dogs and they came out charging towards me.

One dog--- a dark brown chow mut was SUPER pissed and barking like mad and slobbering-- on the attack position-- then before I knew it, he was behind me and bit me. He got me really good. Three punctures, a scrape and it bruised up immediately. I was stunned. I didn't know what to do. I yelled at the owner, who didn't even apologize or even ask if I was OK.

Matter of fact, he didn't grab his dogs and hold on to them. (Yes, there were two). I started running again and the dogs came after me AGAIN. I was livid. However, I found myself in a pickle. I knew I needed to report this to the police cause I was sure I would be getting a shot---but, I HAD to get to my meeting and weigh in so I wasn't eliminated.

What to do?!

I carried on with my journey to Weight Watchers. This time, I was in a funk. I was super pissed about the dog bite and nervous as heck for the evening ahead. I got to Weight Watchers and walked around and around.

It hit me like a ton of bricks--- I couldn't believe I have been able to accomplish this amazing shedding of pounds. I couldn't stop crying just thinking about the past nine weeks.

I have accomplished a lot in my life--- have been to a lot of places, won awards, but nothing can beat this accomplishment. (aside from marrying my best friend and giving birth to the most amazing son, of course)

Nothing can beat this accomplishment because I have overcome 20-year-old emotional baggage demons, got past excuses that have held me back from being as active as I used to be and mostly I have come to know me better--that I really can do anything I want to do and kick butt at it. I also have really come to respect myself which is something all women need to do more of. Be kinder and more patient with our bodies.

I have also started to reverse the bad habits in my son. We used to play a game called "Cheeseburger, French Fries and Ketchup" because that's what we always ordered at restaurants. Now, I have seen my toddler pretend to go to his Weight Watcher meetings and to the gym and when he took a sip of Coke the other day with my husband, he said, "that has too many calories." LOVE IT!!

So... all of these thoughts, emotions and the feeling of the need to barf just got to me last night.

I lost only 1 lb. this week. It's the least I've lost in a week this whole competition. However-- I MADE IT TO THE FINAL THREE!!!

Now, it's a race to see if I'll get 2nd or 3rd place. Let's be honest, neither Kassie or me can beat Dawson. I already told him to have a blast at the Fitness Ridge. :) But...I'm shooting for 2nd place now!!

We will be live on Planet 94.1 for the final weigh in next Friday, April 2. Be sure to listen in--- 7 to 9 a.m. :)

Never say never....

2010-03-17T20:21:00.001-07:00

Never say never... I swore I'd never do another spin class again. I was able to do one this morning and I actually......dare I say...liked it. If my butt didn't hurt sooo bad and my feet were on fire today....otherwise it's a great class. :)

We had our weigh-in tonight and I was hoping to make my 10% goal today. I'm pleased to report that I shed 2.8 lbs which put me over my 10% goal!!! Yippee!!!

I didn't even come close to accomplishing this in the 12 weeks of Weight Watchers I tried a few years ago.

When Sue told me what I lost, I was a little sad...not remembering that would put me over. For some reason, I was thinking over 3 lbs. is what I needed. In any event, I will get my key chain next week--for those not familiar with Weight Watchers you get awards for meeting certain goals. When you reach your 10% you get a key chain that is a "10" and as you reach more and more goals, you get charms to add to it. I've seen Kassie's and I want one with lots of charms like hers!!

So...next week is our final week of voting. Thank the voting gods for that... I am TIRED of doing that not-so-fun requirement.

I definitely want to make it through until the final three-- and of course, I'd be nice to win--- but, honestly, I've already won!

I have amazing new habits that are really just make perfect sense--both eating and exercise. I have some of the greatest new friends anyone could hope to have in their lives from being a part of this contest. I have gotten on a life-long track of health and happiness.

I did start to feel sad and fearful during this last week that we won't have our Wednesday night rituals and then how am I going to do once this pressure is gone, there's no more contest and it's just me on my own.

I was feeling fearful because I have come so far-- what's the next step? So I told myself that I need to prepare NOW for AFTER the contest ends. I signed up for a triathlon on April 3--- the day after our final and have a goal to do one race each month.

In May, I'll do the Midnight 5k and will look for things to do the remainder of the months. That keeps goals for me to reach and work toward.

I have been given a tremendous gift with being able to be a part of this contest. I don't think those who chose me will ever fully realize what this has meant to me. I am a new person. I haven't had any negative thoughts about how I can't do this or do that--- I just feel renewed, I feel like I can do ANYTHING.

I can't believe this amazing journey (at least the contest part) is almost over. However... 30 lbs. is just the beginning for me. I have A LOT more 30 lbs. goals to reach!!!

Stay tuned....

Speechless in St. George...

2010-03-13T20:19:00.000-08:00

If you haven't noticed... I write a LOT. My degree (and passion) are in journalism--- so I tend to go on and on in the written word. A blabber mouth of the fingers I would say. Enjoy another novel...

Today was the much anticipated Freedom Run 5k! Initially it was Bonnie, Kassie, Annie (trainer) and I doing the race.

However, I was SO THRILLED that Tina, Dawson and my trainer, Colleen (pictured to the left with Dawson and me) made it as well! It seriously was awesome that they were able to come.

I wasn't really nervous for the race until we actually got up to the begin the race. I have done plenty of races in the past... but, it's been a loooooong time since I've done one jogging. My goal was to finish in 40 minutes--- I finished at 42:04 and in 13th place.

It was amazing! I felt great once I started, got into a pace and then I started letting my mind take over. Luckily, Colleen was right there. She stayed with me the whole time-- of her own will-- and was such an amazing support. Not only did she help me mentally stay strong, but we did a 2 minute run, 1 minute walk attack to the race which really helped me to make my time and do it feeling great.

As I approached the finish line, I couldn't believe I was about the complete a race-- running the majority of the time. I did one on Halloween of last year with a horrible knee and barely moving and coming in dead dead last. This was a totally new person today.

I kicked it in high gear to sprint to the finish and I was overwhelmed by emotion. I have never cried finishing a race before. I couldn't hold it back.

It was a mixture of the excitement of finishing, thrill of accomplishment, joy of making a goal and the unbelievable feelings of love and gratitude for a friend's selfless help to stay by my side and give of herself to help me accomplish all of this. Not only me, but my friend, Lestie, too. Lestie started exercising and Weight Watchers at the same time and is changing her life and is kicking trash and taking names. She's lost almost 20 lbs. herself! This was her first race. She just decided Friday to do it with me... came out... and stayed with us the whole time.

Afterwards, my son tells me..."Good job on running today and being healthy, Mom. I'm so proud of you." (He's 3 1/2 years old)

This was not only a race...but, a lesson in that this is what life is all about. We need to be more selfless and supportive of one another. I can't really do what today was like true justice--- I just don't have the words. For once, this journalist today has been speechless in St. George!

At the end of my very first post on here...after sharing my story... I said, "Here's to you, April."

I want to change that.

Here's to ME!!

Here's to accomplishing daily goals that are going to get me healthy! Here's to all the amazing people in my family, friends, strangers and their support!! Here's to my next goal---- TRIATHLON ON APRIL 3!!!

Big race...

2010-03-10T19:47:00.000-08:00

Wow! I can't even describe what today has been like. I woke up this morning from a bad night of sleep. I was tossing and turning ALL NIGHT long last night. I was thinking-- did I do enough--- should I had that soup tonight (it was 2 point soup Weight Watcher taco soup). Then I just kept playing mind games all morning on the verge of throwing up just thinking about the weigh in tonight.

I had a good talk with Colleen, my trainer, who helped me re-group mentally.

However, it just got worse at the weigh-in. I was actually relaxed and came to grips that whatever happened...was just the way it was going to be. I know I've given 150% and you can't control the scale and you can't control what people want to do as far as voting... so I knew I would just roll with whatever.

So......... this week, I SHED 4.6 pounds!!!

I know. I am SO SURPRISED and THRILLED, too! I have had a total of 27.6 pounds gone! I wish I knew the inches... but, I haven't been measured... but, if you saw me, you could totally tell. That's an added bonus. The numbers are good, but the inches are rewarding because that's where the clothes drop off your body and that's what mine are doing. I have to find smaller sizes of my old clothes so I don't look like a bag lady with all these droopy clothes. It's an awesome problem to have!!

I also want to share something that I thinked worked for me this week. You try it and see how you do. I got this tip from Kassie who lost 5 lbs. last week. She told us after they amazing weigh-in that she started eating more often. She doesn't go longer than 2 hours without eating something. Of course, it is low point snack stuff, fruit, etc... but, it's the frequent eating that keeps the metabolism up and your body working. Try it and let me know how it works for you.

I have a 5k race on Saturday morning. I am SUPER excited about this!! I am so ready for it. Well, ready as I can be physically, but mentally... I am anxious for this great challenge.

I have to find a bike in the next couple of weeks because I have decided to do a Beginner Triathlon on April 3. I am SO PUMPED about this I can barely stand it... just gotta get a bike!!!!!!!

I'll be sure to post about my race afterwards on Saturday.... wish me luck! I am aiming for 40 minutes! It'll be tough, but it's my goal!!

What might have been....

2010-03-08T22:06:00.000-08:00

First of all, I have to thank those that share their comments and helpful hints with me on here. I appreciate each of you coming and following me on this journey and giving me insight to your own journey as well.

So....earlier today I went to the restroom. I pulled my pants down without unbuttoning them--- because I can. It's my second pair of pants to get to baggy for me to wear and I loved being able to do that.

However, another thought came to me.

This has been such an enjoyable transition for me to get back into working out-- why did I wait so long to start this again? I think of all the time I've wasted--- almost four years (since my son was born) that I haven't done anything.

For the past two years, we have tried to get pregnant for our second child. We have done EVERYTHING we could without forking out thousands of dollars that we don't have. My doctor said that one of his other patients was in the same boat, she lost about 15 lbs. and got preggo right away.

When he said "15 pounds" I felt like this was the most insurmountable task ever given to a human being in the history of the world. I turned to food to comfort me as I tried to process this daunting task.

How could I loose that kind of weight? He's gotta see that I am in noway capable of being able to do that.

I gave up on myself before I ever even tried. I gave up before I ever gave it a second thought.

I gave up on me and I gave up on what might have been.

Now, my heart hurts when I pull down those pants without unbuttoning them. Yes, it feels AWESOME to have shed 23 POUNDS IN SIX WEEKS! There's no denying that! It hurts because of what all I could have accomplished so long ago that I might have two little ones running around the house and the brother or sister my son prays for constantly.

The same heart that hurts also is healing as I make one healthy choice after another each day. It heals a little more each time I put on my Brooks tennis shoes and go running or shake my butt in Zumba.

Yes, I'm getting in physical shape, but also emotional shape.

I can't change what I didn't do the past four years---- I wish with all my heart I could. But, I can change today, I can change what I do tomorrow and the next day.

I know many of you are probably experiencing that same HUMONGOUS FEELING of how in the world am I ever going to shed one pound, let alone many that most of us need to get rid of.

You can do it.

If I can do it, you can, too.

Go deep inside your mind, heart and find out why you're ready for this LIFE change. I am here for your journey, too.

2010-03-07T19:59:00.000-08:00

Today has been a really hard day for me mentally. On the first Sunday of each month, in my faith, we fast. We fast for two meals. So from dinner last night until dinner tonight (Sunday) we don't eat or drink.

So, this is the part that's been hard for me mentally. I have been so strict with Weight Watchers and trying something new this week--- this totally has thrown it for a loop. It's not in my plan to have 34 points at 5 p.m. That's not what is good to do at all. But, what do you do?!?

I've done my best to make good choices in those 34 points and not go crazy-- although, allowing my taste buds to partake of about an inch size piece of Texas sheet cake tonight at my son's friend's birthday gathering was awesome and hard.

The only dessert that I've had since I've started... so for six weeks... has been a Skinny Cow ice cream sandwich. And it's only been 2 or 3 of those, too. I've been really watching that weakness of mine. My tastebuds went INSANE when I had the small piece tonight. My tummy didn't appreciate it, but it felt good to have self control and go get more.

Now... I just hope today hasn't messed me up this week.

Back to the gym tomorrow!!

Pants on the ground...

2010-03-03T20:39:00.000-08:00

It's official... I am retiring the new pair of pants I got this Christmas. They are way too loose on me. I probably could still wear them as long as I didn't jump up in the air--- but, they also don't look good on me. Isn't it awesome that the biggest pair of jeans I own don't look good on me anymore. Now the trick is just finding my old jeans that do.

(Who wants to make a denim quilt for me out of my fat pants when I'm done?!?! I ain't goin back to this weight again... might as well get a good quilt out of them to remind me of all the hard work this is taking me!! I'd make it... but, I am sewing challenged.)

So, this week has been awesome. I feel better and better with each day. I JOGGED two miles this week. I did it on two different days and stopped for what at half mile.... but I DID IT!! It felt awesome. Actually, after my mile on Monday, I wanted to keep going for more, but I had gotten my butt handed to me during the Pilates class earlier.

The amount of weight I shed this week was..... 2.8 lbs!! That gives me a total of 23 lbs. exactly gone from my body.

I am going to change a couple of things this week and I have to goals that I want to accomplish this week:

1. Eat more veggies and fruits
2. Jog two miles, three times this week
3. Shed 5.7 lbs

Those are my goals for this week. Lofty?! Yes. Reachable?! You bet!

I am also going to join a couple of other contestants in doing a 5k next Saturday. I am going to work really hard to be able to finish it in 37 minutes. That would be an hour-and-a-half faster than one that I did on Halloween of last year.

Speaking of that last 5k... I was 23 lbs. heavier then and felt every pound of that on my knees. With the weight gone and some AWESOME shoes... I am confident I can crush that time. I won't be the last one to cross the finish line this time--- guaranteed.

Here are some things I am really proud of this week:

1. Shannon--- I caught her in the hallway on Monday right before Pilates started and she came in and joined Kassie and I during our first experience with that exercise. We're all still feeling the pain two days later--- but I am SO PROUD of Shannon for keeping it up.

2. Kassie--- This is the spunkiest girl in town. I am so proud of her-- she is taking control of her life, making this work and lost an incredible 5 pounds this week. She inspired me for my 3rd goal stated above.

3. Guy--- He is being an incredible example to his family and getting healthy. He does it all with the biggest smile in Utah. He is kicking trash and wearing the garbage bag to prove it. ;)

4. Bonnie--- This lady is showing true determination. When the going gets tough, that's when Bonnie gets going. She's got a true fire within her!

5. Mike--- This is the big guns... already down over 50 lbs. I can't believe it!! He is solid. He is a freakin machine. He is fully committed to this new way of life that we're all grasping for and he's giving all he has and inspires me week after week.

6. Tina--- This is who I deem as the contest Care Bear. If she was one in real life, she would be Care-a-lot. She has the most heart and has really been there for me with some great advice and some amazing encouragement. She ROCKS my world!

7. Dawson--- This man can shake his butt like there's no tomorrow and he ain't afraid to show it either. He came to his first Zumba class a couple of weeks ago and has been a regular every since. He is a great athlete and proves that mixing it up is key because he loses 8-freakin pounds every week! What a stud!!

8. Joe--- Joe and I go way back to my early days here in St. George. I am SO proud of Joe in stepping up to this challenge for the second time and making it work. You go, Joe!!

These are the other contestants (besides Trudy which I only met at the Last Supper and briefly at the second weigh-in). These people are so dear to my heart. So is my SUPER TRAINER, Colleen... who not only trains me, but pushes me, teaches and inspires me. I have already won this contest for all the education she's given, the experiences I'm having and for the new friends I've made.

Mind over matter...

2010-02-24T20:09:00.000-08:00

OK... so Ruby Tuesdays isn't out to get me!! The All-star team wasn't in the kitchen preparing my steak last week that tasted oooooooooo so good!

With 3.2 MORE pounds gone FOREVER you can't deny that this is working!!

I am not going to sugar coat this... it's a LOT of work. It's digging deep within your mind and body and pulling it all out even when you think you can't.

What I've learned this week...

-- Ruby Tuesdays has a healthy options menu available UPON REQUEST and it is YUMMY! (See post below)

After eating there last week I could not shake some pretty strong guilty feelings. I had stayed within my points, but since the food tasted so good, it had to be wrong. Then Saturday morning I only did 90 minutes of working out instead of 2 hours. Coby had to work and the day care at the gym only keeps kids for 90 minutes. I felt like I was sabotaging myself even more.

Then Monday hit... heavy homework night for my husband and he had a test. I only got in one hour of working out. I was stressing hard core.

Tuesday rolled around, I got to the gym 15 minutes later than I wanted to... still my mind was just killing me with all these guilt feelings, but I wasn't doing anything wrong.

I talked with Colleen, my trainer, about it. She really helped remind me that even though I only did an hour on Monday, it was an hour more than I did six Mondays ago. She had some other really encouraging things to say to me as well. This isn't about a 12-week process for me. This is a life change. This is a life change mentally as well.

I am proud that I never turned to food for comfort or for pity while playing these mind games with myself.

It is truly mind over matter... and since I currently I have a lot of matter :) ... there's a LOT of mind tricks that come into play.

You have to stay strong. When those negative thoughts or feelings come in... or if you're feeling guilty because that 6 point steak tasted way too good..... BREATHE. It will be OK.

I can't believe how I felt as I powered through a mental-funk week and pulled off a 3.2 pound loss! I was ready to kiss Sue (our Weight Watchers leader) and everyone else around me.

I felt true joy and pride and the most important thing--- I FELT LOVE FOR MYSELF. I know I can do ANYTHING I want to do with my mind, will and determination. And so can you.

________________________________________________________

**7:30 tomorrow night @ Zumba..... meet me there where I'll be shaking what my Momma gave me... and then some... :)

Mind games...

2010-02-20T22:49:00.000-08:00

This past week in our Weight Watchers meeting we talked about going out to eat and how not to be fearful of doing that. I remember the first time Coby and I went to a place that wasn't Wendy's and that wasn't in my handy Dining Out book. We went to a Mexican restaurant and I made the waitress come back 3 or 4 times before I was confident and ready to order according to my points.

As part of our lesson this week, Sue (our amazing Weight Watcher's leader) gave us an assignment to go out to eat. Sweet! One day I don't have to cook, but one more battle I just get scared about.

I wanted to branch out somewhere different. I looked up Ruby Tuesday's menu online. I know they have a fabulous salad bar there, but I wanted to see what else they had to offer. They have a whole section of healthy choices and even list the calories, fat and fiber so I could calculate the points exactly.

When we got to the restaurant, I was looking over the menu and started to panic a little bit. The items I had calculated out and planned on where no where on the menu. I grabbed my clutch--- my food journal-- and was desperately searching for the names of the items I saw online. The waitress came back to the table and I asked her about the section of healthy choices I saw online. She left and returned with a whole separate menu with all those choices. I thought how interesting that they have this secret healthy menu available... but, not even offered unless asked for specifically. Thankfully, I found my items.

I had a petite steak which was 6 points, white cheddar potatoes which were 3 points and the salad bar. They have a pretty descent lite ranch dressing as well.

Although I had calculated my points... as I finished my meal, I was kicking myself. How could food this tasty and delicious be within my points? Had I just been tricked by the kitchen staff and menu makers of Ruby Tuesdays?

I started really attacking myself that I had just blown all this hard work.

I text Tina and she helped me realize I was only feeling this way because of the contest. I was living-- and although I stayed within my points-- and food tasted really, really good--- I didn't feel like I deserved this great food.

But, I'm over that now. I did everything right to my best ability. I didn't get depressed and want to call it quits. I woke up this morning, went and kicked trash at Zumba and did a mile on the track.

The most important thing I am learning is to trust the system and just do my very best. I've also seen HUGE progress in the mental aspect, too. Don't get discouraged-- or if you do (cuz it happens)-- don't be discouraged for too long. Don't turn to any bad habits. Just resolve that if you're worried about it-- kick butt and take names the next day.

What a night!!!

2010-02-18T20:58:00.000-08:00

So, I have to share this story... or stories about tonight at the community center.

I had just barely started my workout on the elliptical and I was concentrating and moving as much as I can.... then, I heard my name. I looked around and didn't see anyone, then looked behind me on the track was a mother and daughter that I always see at the gym. The young girl had called my name and waved to me. Of course, I waived back and thought... how do I know them?! The sweet Mom said, she's your biggest fan! I smiled so big, waved back and said thank you!

Then they walked off and then--- it hit me.

I started tearing up. She is the age I was during my whole school bus incident. I thought to myself--- WOW--- if she's my biggest fan, I want to work my VERY best and my ABSOLUTE hardest so that she will stay motivated to be healthy and hopefully never have to go through what I went through and what I carried with me--- all the hurtful words--- for 20-something years. I did my best workout on the elliptical and at Zumba tonight all for her. Next time, I gotta give her a hug for lifting me up and taking me to a whole new level.

Then... I kept going... this nice man comes beside me and asks how I like the elliptical. He's got a bum knee... and I said I LOVE them because the impact is low and the workout kicks trash. He got on and kept going and was converted! He had been doing the stationary bike, but wasn't getting near the workout as the elliptical was giving him. We talked the whole time I worked out about the contest, eating better, filling foods, Weight Watchers... basically I was telling him everything I've learned these past 4 weeks with Weight Watchers and working out. It was awesome. I am hoping he keeps moving to reach his goals, too!

As if that wasn't a great night... it got better at Zumba! We had Shannon, Guy, Dawson, Joe and me from the contest there shaking all we had. It was a blast to have some of the guys join us. They did awesome and they LOVED it. Now we just have to move Cedar City closer to St. George so Mike can join us, too!!

It was an incredible night....

Week #4...

2010-02-17T21:19:00.000-08:00

At least I think this is week #4...

In any event, I had a really great, but interesting, week. It was a lot of mental work this week--- on top of the physical and nutritional.

It was Valentine's Day weekend and of course I wanted to go somewhere and have a nice meal. We had so much going on on Saturday (which was when we were celebrating) that by the time it was time for dinner, every restaurant was packed and we ended up at Wendy's. My chicken sandwich and baked potato was delicious, but it was a little disappointing. However, life really does go on.

So, here's what happened at tonight's weigh-in...

I LOST 2.2 POUNDS!!

So, this puts me at a total of 17 pounds! I am so thrilled!! I got below 290 lbs... so I've crossed two lines... under 300 and under 290... and still looking forward to new pounds shed next week. We did have to actually to have our first elimination tonight in the contest. It is not what I expected. I don't like this part FOR SURE. My team, the Rookies, had the lowest percentage, so we had to vote someone off. Our big guy, Mike, was voted off. Mike totally rocks and has been doing SO AWESOME. I have NO DOUBT that he will continue to kick trash and take names through the remainder of the contest and until he reaches his goals. He's got a great support system in his family and is really living-- not dieting!! ;)

Other than that...

It's been an incredible experience being able to pull my jeans off my body without un-buttoning the jeans. They're super loose and I just bought them at Christmas time. (They'll make a great quilt for my next baby).

My exercise pants also were slipping down as I was jumping rope in a class Tuesday night.

Yes, I said jumping rope. And yes, I said my pants were slipping off.

Here's to another great week ahead!! I am so lucky to have the group of people in this contest working along side me and offering all their support. I love each of them--- they are a part of my family forever and I can't wait till we all reach our goals!

A new favorite recipe...

2010-02-17T21:02:00.000-08:00

Baked Chicken Parmesan

This delicious favorite dish of ours just got even better! One of my friends from high school shared a link to this blog where this lady has post a TON of Weight Watcher recipes.

Gina's Skinny Weight Watcher Recipes

It's a super easy recipe and for one piece it is 5.5 points. I paired it with a cup of whole wheat noodles-- 3 points and corn which is zero points. I also added a salad for more veggies. I did put a tiny amount of sauce in the noodles to give them some flavor. It is sooooo yummy and is very filling and the best part is-- low points!! (Well, filling and low points are both the best parts)

Try it out--- I promise you won't regret it!

Let me know how it goes and SHARE your favorite recipes with me... I'm always looking for some great ones, especially ones for the slow cooker!

When crawling on your knees is OK as an adult...

2010-02-16T11:34:00.000-08:00

So... last Thursday, I went to the Body Slam class with LaRae and Tina because I've heard so much about what a great workout that class is for you. Well... I got MORE than I bargained for!! (Yes, I still love ya, LaRae)

I think the final count of squats WITH weights was 448 and the total amount of lunges around the track WITH weights was 267. OK... at least that is what it felt like. Afterwards we went downstairs and did an hour of Zumba.

Glutton for punishment?!?! Maybe.

Sore all weekend? You bet!

It was AWESOME though. It was good to feel the muscles again and to work them out--- since they haven't been in a long time. At least the soreness is a great reminder that I am still living and that I have a working body. For that, I am so grateful for and am enjoying showing more appreciation for the gift I have in my body.

On Saturday, I was so incredibly sore. I did 90-minutes of Zumba, then I went and did a mile on the track--- JOGGING three laps!! :) That was so amazing to me! I wanted to keep going, but needed to get home and actually pay attention to the mess that keeps building up since I am away so much lately.

I could barely walk that afternoon. Matter of fact, I had to go upstairs to the bathroom and was CRAWLING up the stairs. Ben thought I was playing "puppy" since that's what we play sometimes. I was like... no sweetie, Mommy isn't being a puppy, Mommy can't walk because I' so freakin sore!

I also was really close to purchasing some adult diapers. Since we, as women, squat to use the toilet, my legs just couldn't do one more... it was SO PAINFUL to just squat to go potty. I got through it without the diapers. :)

I've been doing really great all weekend--- appreciated the day off from working out on Sunday-- and am SUPER ready for what Colleen, my super-trainer, has in store for me Tuesday night!!

When the going gets tough...

2010-02-10T21:55:00.001-08:00

What a day!!! For the first time since I've started the Big Loser, I've had a hungry belly all day. To make matters worse, it is weigh-in day, too! I am not sure if I've exercised so much that my body "thinks" it needs more calories.... or what the deal is...but, sheesh! I just kept picturing the orange hungry mascot for Weight Watchers... and pictured him as

It didn't help that I still had 22 points at dinner time. It's not like I was starving myself... it's just the breakfast, lunch and snack I planned out gave me that many points left for the night. I still had to get my milk in, so it was really 16 points.

So...it's been a tough mental day. I've never wanted to stray from my goals... that's not been an issue... but, it's been hard to keep old habits at bay.

I've been under a LOT of stress and with that have added on GUILT. I've felt guilty of being away from my family so much while working out and not being able to do all the things Moms do--- which is everything. My husband is in school as well and his nights have been picking up the slack of feeding, entertaining and bathing our son while I'm gone to the gym.

When you're feeling these type of emotions, it's super easy to want to eat to mask those emotions. However, that doesn't solve the problem-- it just creates one.

So...... I did something I don't normally do... I expressed my feelings to my sweet and understanding hubby. I told him I was feeling an incredible amount of guilt about taking so much time away and not giving him all the time he needs for studying and so on. His words to me were... I totally support you 100%, don't ever let guilty feelings creep in. You have worthy goals and Satan just wants to get into your head and start tearing you down. Don't worry about it.

We also talked about this tonight at our Weight Watchers meeting-- putting ourselves first.

Yes, it feels selfish. Yes, I do feel guilty. But, I have to keep the end in mind and having those comforting words from my biggest supporter, my husband, is all I need to reboot and kick some more trash this week. Plus, I see the benefits in my family... we're all making better choices and my toddler loves to exercise and pretends to go to his Weight Watchers meetings.

For the record... I lost... let me type that again.... I SHED 1.2 lbs. this week!! Yes, I was hoping for more....(especially after killing myself on Foremaster Ridge)... but, it's still a SHED! :)

When the going gets tough... the tough get going!!!

Stepping it up a notch...

2010-02-06T15:23:00.000-08:00

This week in Weight Watchers we discussed the importance of switching up your work outs and eating to keep your body working hard.

I am the type of person that can have tuna fish sandwiches every day and not get tired of them. The same with exercise. I find what I love and do it all the time. However, that can't keep going if I want to really give my body a run for its money.

So... I'm branching out with new recipes AND new exercises.

This morning I tried a spinning class for the first time. It will also be my last time, too! I did that at 8:30 this morning--- it's now mid-afternoon and my butt STILL hurts. I don't mean a little bit of pain-- I mean it constantly feels like I am sitting on a metal bar. Yeah--- it sucks!!

I am not sure how I got through that class--- I kept peddling the whole time-- except for switching butt cheeks here and there to help with the pain.

Afterwards, I went down to Zumba. I LOVE Zumba! I needed to get my cardio on since I wasn't feeling it from the spin class. We have such awesome Zumba classes--- if you haven't tried this class yet--- DO IT!! I never stop smiling the whole time. My calves never stop burning the whole time either (that's when I go to my happy place). For some odd reason, my arm flew up in the air when the instructor asked for volunteers to help lead a dance. I think my brain thought it was one dance--- turns out it was one of the fastest numbers we do. There I was.... on stage... no where to go then. I gave it ALL I had. I actually was surprised that my two left feet did as good as they did. Afterwards, I thought my heart was going to pop it was beating so fast. Holy moly!! I think in that one number I burned off 4,000 calories. OK, not really, but that's what it felt like.

Now it's time to plan this week's meals. I've always, always planned my menus a week out and shopped accordingly... but, I've tossed the old recipes I made and am working hard to find some great, Weight Watcher-friendly, yummy recipes. Luckily, I have a hubby and my son who eat anything. :)

Weigh in #2 and a surprise visit...

2010-02-02T21:40:00.000-08:00

At tonight's Weigh In... we had a special guest visit with us. Here is St. George (or the neighboring city, Ivins) is the Biggest Loser Fitness Ridge Resort.

Seth Word, from Season 2, came and spoke with us about some of his personal battles. For those that don't know him, his photo on the left is his after photo. If you Google Seth Cloud, you'll see his before pics and so on. In any event, he came in second place during his season.

He's got a great story of personal triumph and mental toughness that I loved hearing about.

I just finally Hulu'd this season's first episode and that was my first time actually seeing the Biggest Loser show (however, no one told me to have tissues with me...sheesh)

In any event, it was awesome... he's totally humble and we got official Biggest Loser calendars and T-shirts and I got my picture taken with Seth and I'll post it when I get a copy.

And so........ now for this week's weigh-in............

I lost 3.6 pounds!!

I didn't know what to expect and was warned that the second week is the dreaded week... but, with that info, I feel really great about what I was able to shed!!

I am going to be trying some new WW recipes out this week (and forever--- :) ) and will be sure to post some of my yummy favs on this blog!

Test day...

2010-02-01T17:14:00.001-08:00

Things have been going so awesome with working out and with Weight Watchers... I've felt like a new woman each day!

But today.... not so much.

It's just one of those days that you feel like everything in the world is conspiring against you. The pressures that come with life compound and all you want to do is hide.

I had an epiphany this afternoon coming home from work. I work part-time and right now is a really stressful time at work. Other than that, I forgot to put the dinner I had planned into the crock pot so I was stressing what I was going to fix that would be Weight Watcher-worthy.

I pulled into my driveway, walked to the front door and the thought came to me--- food will help solve these feelings of pressure and stress.

Thankfully, my mind recognized what was going on and new thoughts came to my mind--- 'no, Jill... You're stronger than this, you don't need food.' Relax, fix another meal you've planned this week that is easier and stick to your points program.

I did.

It was a moment of triumph for me!!

Before, I used food as a form of power and "staying in control" when all I was doing was spinning out of control.

This evening turned out to be the best moment for me so far. After dinner, some cleaning, laundry and tucking in my son and hubby, I went for a long walk. I think Monday's will be my official outside walking days since all the other days are spent working out indoors. It's refreshing to the mind and body to go walking outside. It was an hour of clearing my head and relaxing.

Will there be more down days? Sure. Lots.

Will I have the will power to get through them? Yes. I discovered something in me tonight that I've never had before--- WILL POWER!

Is this normal?!

2010-01-31T22:49:00.000-08:00

This weekend has been a great one... still sticking to my new way of life (a.k.a. Weight Watchers) like glue... or like glaze on a Krispy Kreme donut. :)

I did 2 hours at the gym on Saturday... 90 minutes of that was pure Zumba fun... although 98% of the dances were completely new to me and I felt like I did my first time going--- completely lost, but still having a ball.

Although I've done what I think is all the right things... I feel icky today. Sunday is my off day--- well, off from exercise. I am wondering if it's not having that today that makes me feel "heavier" and blah..... or if that's just normal. I don't know.

Any suggestions?!!? This is starting to freak me out for the weigh-in on Wednesday night...

1st Weigh In & thoughts...

2010-01-27T23:24:00.000-08:00

OK--- One more thought before my first weigh in report...

Here's my thought for what the focus should be for weight loss:

You have to be totally ready for a change in your body. This is why I chose to be completely open and real and transparent.... this was MY time to rid my life of those negative things that I have used weight and food to protect me from all these many, many years!

I applied to the Big Loser contest seeking help, a cry out for help to change what I could not do on my own. They invested in me and I had to invest emotionally to make this work for me.

Here's my new perspective on weight "loss"---> don't call it "LOSS" because when you loose something, you want to find it again.

Like the time I lost my sunglasses at a baseball game, I went back to retrieve them and didn't stop until I found them and felt better.

We naturally don't like loss of any kind. Think about it.

So the thing I most certainly don't want back is the weight I am SHEDDING!!!

I picture it shedding... like a cheese grater... (I know that's disgusting, but it works for us visual-minded folks).

OK.... for this week's results...

Everyone did AWESOME!!!!

Personally, I lost 10 pounds!!!!

I know... I was stunned as well!!!

Remember, there's no magic!!

I follow Weight Watchers to the "T"

I work out 60-90 minutes a day, six days a week.

If you knew me (and those that do) know that my life is insanely busy... this is NOT an easy task to do, but it's a MUST.

Everyday: I have to brush my teeth, I have to shower and I HAVE to work out.

For example, this post is being written at 12:32 a.m. After the weigh-in, I came home, ate dinner and debated on whether doing my workout then or spend time with my family that has been super supportive of me during all of this. Without feeling guilty about anything--- because that's an emotion that causes me to eat-- I chose to cuddle and play games with my son and hang out with the family until they were all asleep. Then I did the dishes, cleaned the kitchen and then my workout came. That's just what happened today. Would it have been easy to say, let me have one night off self-- you've worked so hard. Yes. I did think those thoughts. But, then I thought, this isn't a one week change in life... this is my new life. You have to make it work!

Weight loss magic...

2010-01-27T23:13:00.000-08:00

OK--- before I get to the actual magic number of my first week weigh-in... I want to share some thoughts and what I've been up to...

Just so you know, there are NO secrets to losing weight. I am the first to admit, each time I saw an old friend who had dropped some weight... what's the first thing that comes out of my (and others) mouths?!!? "What's your secret?"

There are no secrets. There are no magic pills. There are some really weird crap people are unfortunately choosing to do to their bodies like put pregnant women's pee in them for a few weeks and eat 500 calories a day--- that's not only BEYOND disgusting-- what life long changes is that teaching you?

Pregnant women's pee didn't get me overweight and it's not going to get me to shed weight. That's just what I feel for me--- to each their own.

Can I get a chair lift?

2010-01-23T22:03:00.000-08:00

I am starting to wonder if the 3-story apartment is going to kill me or help me with all my sore muscles?!

Coby has been hovering as I have prepared my food for the past couple of days and I could tell he was wanting to ask something, but not asking. Finally, after watching me calculate points on my awesome points calculator today-- I asked if he wanted to join me in Weight Watchers. He said yes-- I knew there had to be something he was wanting to do. He has been SO SUPPORTIVE and helpful in this, I am so blessed to have such an amazing husband and now--- diet/workout partner!

We got an elliptical machine today! I am SUPER excited. My co-worker was selling his that he used to use to stage homes in Salt Lake and now it was just taking up space in his garage. I worked out today at the rec center and then some more tonight on the elliptical. The only thing is.... it says it has a weight limit of 275. Opps.

So... Larae from the radio station sent out this AMAZING soup recipe. I'll post it below. We had it for dinner tonight and it was SO YUMMY!!! I was so full and couldn't finish two cups. (I had a lot of points left tonight... and still did after dinner)

Taco Soup~

2 Points per cup

1 pound of ground turkey or lean ground beef
1 large onion, chopped
1 (1 ounce) package of Hidden Valley Ranch Dressing mix
1 (1 ounce) package of taco seasoning mix
1 (16 ounce) can pinto beans
1 (16 ounce) can chili beans (hot or regular)
1 (16 ounce) can whole kernel corn
1 (8 ounce) can diced Mexican Style tomatoes
1 (8 ounce) can diced tomatoes

* I don't like tomatoes, but Coby does and I substituted one can of tomatoes for a can of black beans.

Brown meat and onions and drain. Mix ranch dressing mix and taco seasoning mix into meat. Without draining, add all of the other ingredient and simmer for one hour.

I also had Fat Free saltines... even though they have the same point value as the regular ones, I mentally felt better choosing no fat over a little. 5 crackers for 1 point.

With the soup and crackers, it's a great filling dinner with very low points!

Meet the contestants and me...

2010-01-22T15:20:00.000-08:00

Here I am...

Name: Jill Hunt
Age: 31

Starting Weight: 306 ( I know... opps...)

Height: 5’4

Body Fat: 51.8%

Wanna meet the others? Click on the link below to take you to Planet 94's Web site and you'll links for the "All Stars" and "Rookies"

Big Loser 2010 Contestants

Day #1

2010-01-22T15:09:00.000-08:00

WOW!! I found a new love and it's called ZUMBA!!!

First of all, it's been awesome feeling more in control of my life again. I can't wait to start planning some great (better nutritional) meals for my family. We've had our list of favorites we've rotated, but I am ready to start finding and preparing better meals all around. When I come across some yummy recipes, I'll be sure to share!

So.... I met with my trainer for the first time Thursday night! All I can say is she rocks. She totally wants me to succeed just as much as I do and it feels awesome.

We did a little work on the weight machines. My muscles seriously felt like they were waking up from a looooooooooong sleep. :) Of course I use most daily in walking, etc.... but being worked out. It's like I felt them screaming for joy!!

Afterwards I went to my first Zumba class for some cardio! That is the best class ever created for fitness as far as I am concerned. I am even more pumped to shed my pounds so I can move across the floor and dance like I used to and like how my body wants to!! If you haven't tried this out yet--- YOU HAVE TO!!

I was smiling the whole time. Who smiles the whole time they're exercising? Honestly. I was. :)

I found my food scale when we moved and that has been awesome. I measured my meal perfectly and it was so filling!

I am fortunate to have a co-worker who is selling us his elliptical machine at a great price and for cheap monthly payments-- which I'll pick up this weekend. It'll be SAWWEET to have that machine in my house!!

Also looking forward to some new shoes as a gift from one of the sponsors-- St. George Running Center. He is giving each contestant tailored fit work out shoes for FREE!! My feet thank him!!

Looking forward to another good day tomorrow...

And I'm off...

2010-01-20T21:06:00.000-08:00

Oppsie.... my weight is higher than I anticipated. I broke 300 lbs. However, I did weigh in with clothes and tennis shoes.

Oh well. Life goes on. That's the old me, you'll never see me weigh 306 EVER again.

Now the fun really begins!!

I have my first workout with my trainer tomorrow night and then my first Zumba class following.

I am SUPER pumped and READY-TO-GO!!!

3 days and counting...

2010-01-17T22:43:00.000-08:00

There are officially three days left until the contest begins and I am soooo excited!

First of all, I want to appreciate the support that all of you have given me and the kind words. It has really, really touched me and I will keep referring to these comments as I have some hard times ahead.

I posted this photo-- it was really just one of the few of the most recent photos of me. This is me with my Halloween costume on. I love my chins. Not really. They're the first things I hope go fast!! :)

I'll steal the radio photo once they post that to their Web site. It's a looker. I tried to look all cute and wear my most slimming outfit I could assemble and wouldn't you know... I had to wear another shirt they provided. Of course!

Here's a few things I look forward to:

- being comfortable in airplane seats (as comfortable as you can be in those ridiculous things)
- no more chub rub in my inner thighs--- those this will take a lot of work, it's still on my list! My pants will appreciate it, too.
- running.... and I repeat, RUNNING my first 5k (it's been about 6-7 years. That's my 3-month goal.

Note: I have changed the comment settings on this blog... I know some people were having issues... hopefully there won't be any now. Let me know on Facebook if there are!

For Starters...

2010-01-15T00:36:00.001-08:00

Here I Go!! Big Loser Contest Starts Jan. 20th!! If you haven't seen it posted on our Facebook, I was chosen (Jill) to be a contestant in the Big Loser Contest that is sponsored by one of our local radio stations here in St. George.

Planet 94.1

I haven't seen an episode of the actual television show (yet-- I need to Hulu it), but I get the gist: Weigh a lot, work out a lot, lose a lot.

On a personal note, it was extremely hard for me to enter the contest. It wasn't hard to come to grips that I need/have to loose weight--- it was hard to reveal for the first time some deep dark secrets in my life that have haunted me since I was really young. These secrets have compounded over the years and have aided in the complete deterioration of my self-esteem to the point where it's practically non-existent and where my self-image is blah at best.

So, I felt, in order to even give myself every fighting chance of completely changing my life, I have had to "come clean" with these ghosts--- put them out there and lay it ALL on the line. That way, these evil thoughts will have no place in my mind-- as I am out to beat them once and for all.

I am NOT thrilled about having friends, family and complete strangers know my true weight--- but it is what it is!

Again, I have to put all my demons out to get over them.

Here's my biggest secret...

When I was in middle school, there was this horrible, horribly mean girl who rode the same bus I did. Her name was April. She was the most popular girl in our middle school--- she was an 8th grader, I was in 6th grade.

My house was the last stop before heading to school. Although, my older brother was also riding the bus with me, there was always a seat for him.

That wasn't the case for me.

Nobody allowed me to sit with them. Often the bus was crowded as it was. Sometimes I had to sit on the very edge of the seat, barely keeping on the seat around corners and over bumps.

For those in the back of the bus, this was ammo for teasing me relentlessly.

Some how and for unknown reasons to me, they formulated the nickname, Smelly Ogre.

I was only in 6th grade. I wasn't fat, but I wasn't skinny.

It totally destroyed me. If I was sitting on the edge of the seat-- they'd make comments about how my butt was eating the seat--- or something retarded like that.

It was so horrible that I started waking up earlier just to walk several miles to the very first pick up point for the bus route. I met the bus driver and asked to get on before she started her route. At first she told me I couldn't do it, but she let me on.

Everyone wondered why I was on first.

It was the only way I could protect myself from harassment. I am sure they still found a way. I kept this up for as long as I could.

I have never ever been able to let that go. Those are the biggest emotional scars for me. I can't explain why that is--- it just is.

It didn't stop there. I have been laughed at because of my weight all of my life. Too many times to even begin to list.
I never dated in high school. I was asked out ONCE my freshman year by a senior who totally freaked me out so I don't even count that.
I missed all my homecomings. I went solo to my Senior Prom and only because the act of one of my true friends who offered to walk me out when they introduced the seniors--- was I not a solo act.

Now... I reveal all this not because I want sympathy or whatever... but, I just need to purge this from inside of me to get over these things.

It's more fuel for my upcoming battle.

I know that most of you that personally know me probably can't imagine me being negative--- but, I am totally negative to me. I am my worst enemy.

Hanging on to these memories is what brings me down time and time again.

I am doing myself the biggest favor: I am shedding these ghosts by shedding these emotional pounds that have stacked on over the years because a few rude people in the back of a middle school bus allowed me to think that I was worthless then and over the past 20-something years.

Here's to you, April.